


Listen

by asaplulu



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Growing Up Together, Hwang Hyunjin & Lee Felix are Best Friends, Hwang Hyunjin Being an Asshole, Hwang Hyunjin-centric, Hyunlix, ITS KIND OF CUTE, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)-centric, M/M, My first fic, Seo Changbin Being an Asshole, Soft Lee Felix (Stray Kids), but i tried, drug usage, felix literally always being nice even if people are shitty to him, i literally couldn't write hyunjin being mean, or at least i tried but, so give it a chance, ugh i suck at tags pls give it a chance it's actually good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:29:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25805152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asaplulu/pseuds/asaplulu
Summary: “Do you think, maybe, if I screamed loud enough in my head, you would be able to hear it?” Ten-year-old Felix asks.Hyunjin, six months older and therefore infinitely wiser, snorts. “I don’t think that’s how brains work, Lix.”“Oh.” Was the only response. Then silence.“Are you trying it?”“Yeah. Can you hear me?”“No,” Hyunjin laughed.“Oh.”or, Hyunjin and Felix develop their own way to communicate.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 164





	Listen

“Do you think, maybe, if I screamed loud enough in my head, you would be able to hear it?” Ten-year-old Felix asks.

Hyunjin, six months older and therefore infinitely wiser, snorts. “I don’t think that’s how brains work, Lix.”

“Oh.” Was the only response. Then silence. 

“Are you trying it?”

“Yeah. Can you hear me?”

“No,” Hyunjin laughed. 

“Oh.”

Okay, maybe it was way harsh of Hyunjin to dismiss him so quickly. He looked over at the younger boy, much much more innocent than his peers. He looked serious, delicate. “What’s wrong?” 

Hyunjin knew seriousness, delicateness. He also knew that he hid his innocence in front of his classmates way better than Felix ever could. He poked the other boy when he didn’t reply and tried again. “Felix, what’s up?”

“Sometimes, I can’t say stuff out loud, you know?” He sighs, “I think maybe, if I was loud enough, and someone could hear me-”

“Let’s try again,” Hyunjin suggests. “Maybe I just need to get closer.”

He stretches up from his laying down in the grass position and meanders towards Felix, who’s sitting hunched forward on a wooden bench beside him - not wanting to meet his eyes. _ Felix is worried, _ Hyunjin supposed. He’s worried he said a bit too much or maybe he was a bit too open. 

Hyunjin is smack dab in the middle of his growth spurt so it’s easy to lean over Felix when he sits down. They are touching thighs, he notices, and then admonishes himself for noticing. Why does he care?

Silently, he presses his ear hard to the side of Felix’s head. And he waits a few seconds before breathing out a “wow.”

“You can hear it?” Felix isn’t sure whether to trust him.

“Yeah. That’s awesome.” Hyunjin isn’t even sure if he’s lying. He thinks there’s some truth to his words. Even though they only met a month ago, Hyunjin felt like they could communicate wordlessly.

“What do you hear?” Tricky question. Hyunjin sticks his tongue out to think.

“Do you perhaps feel...sad?” Felix’s eyes widened in amazement but Hyunjin figures it’s just a guess.

“My dad is sick.” Felix answers the unspoken question.

_ I’m sorry.  _ Is the unspoken reply, and Felix swears he hears it.

…

“Hey.” Felix nudges Hyunjin. It’s their first day of high school and they walking in tense anticipation. Hyunjin breathes faster, harsher, as the building towers into their sight. “Let me listen.”

They slow down. “Here, now?” Hyunjin feels kind of silly. It’s only ever been him, ear pressed to Felix’s tanned temple.

Felix doesn’t answer. At this point, he knows that Hyunjin probably can’t actually hear his head. But he has always been comforted by the other and he wants to return the favour. He draws the taller one towards him, pulls him down, and tries to listen.

Felix loves being close to Hyunjin. He loves breathing in his sweaty, long hair. He doesn’t know what that means yet - he doesn’t really care.

Hyunjin, six months older, infinitely wiser, pulls away from Felix when he sees upperclassmen staring at them. For extra measure, he widens the gap between them as they walk. “We can’t...we can’t do that here. They’re going to think we’re weird.”

Felix doesn’t know who they is and he doesn’t quite understand why the pair should care what they think but he figures Hyunjin knows what he’s talking about. He tries not to let the hurt show on his face.

It doesn’t work. Felix was always bad at hiding stuff like that. Hyunjin bumps him with his elbow, apologetically. Felix doesn’t quite understand why contact with that skinny bitch’s arm sends tingles through him.

A wide smile is sent Hyunjin’s way. He’s forgiven.

“What did you hear?” He’s curious, obviously.

“I think there’s some loose change rattling around up there,” Felix jokes. 

…

High school doesn’t quite work out the way they thought it would. They drift in the way new friends, clubs, activities make two people drift. 

They still walk home together, they still hold hands and press their heads against each other yearning to hear each other’s thoughts.

It was never in public anymore. It was Felix on the floor of Hyunjin’s bedroom, laptop open, writing an essay while Hyunjin’s head lay on the small of his back. It was them laying against each other, eating Mcdonalds ravenously in some parking lot in Felix’s mom’s car. 

“Felix,” Hyunjin looks guilty - he doesn’t meet his eyes. It’s the end of grade nine and they celebrate in the backseat of Felix’s broken down Toyota with McFlurries. “I think, maybe...” He can’t say it out loud.

Felix knows what he’s going to say. He thinks maybe he’s known for a while now - ever since Hyunjin started avoiding him in the halls and picks up extra sports to keep his afternoon’s busy. Away.

He knows what he wants to say but he still leans against Hyun-jin and presses the side of their faces together. He’s looking for the answer to  _ why?  _ He knows what Hyunjin is going to say but he doesn’t quite understand why.

When he listens he finds that Hyunjin doesn’t quite know why either. 

“I’m sorry.” He says, simply, because he figures he must have done something pretty bad if Hyunjin can’t even meet his eyes. 

Hyunjin can’t reply because his ears are tinged red from the contact. He looks at Felix - he is all quivering jelly lips and round-wide Australian eyes.  _ Why? _ Hyunjin thinks maybe it’s because he understands something in their relationship that Felix does not yet. Something that Felix might never. It scares him. He was always the coward of the group.

“You d-don’t…” Hyunjin struggles with his words. “You can’t even pretend. You know? You’re so…”  _ Weird? _

Felix thinks maybe in six months, he will finally be mature enough to be friends with Hwang Hyunjin again. 

It takes more than six months. Felix realizes maybe he’s not the one that has to mature.

…

They don’t speak for a year. It’s a surprisingly easy pattern to fall into.

Felix goes to school early for band practise - so they don’t meet on their walks. Hyunjin goes home late after soccer, so they don’t bump into each other after classes.

They say hi in the hallway and stuff, but it’s always hollow. It always seems like there’s more to be said. Hyunjin refuses to let there be more to be said. He refuses to break the pattern.

Felix attempts to text a few times, Hyunjin rebuffs him with one-word replies and late responses. Hyunjin tags him in a few memes on Instagram. Sometimes Felix likes the comment, most of the time he ignores them.

His friends joke that they broke up. It’s a lot less funny than they think.

Felix watches Hyunjin from afar. Even though they’ve grown more distant, he feels as if his mind-listening power gets stronger. When he tells Seungmin this, Seungmin sighs and just mutters “forget that asshole.” 

Like he hasn’t tried. 15-year-old Felix knows with a completely certain clarity that even if him and Hwang Hyunjin never speak to each other again, they will always be connected.

Their mind-listening connection (and also Felix obsessively stalking Hyunjin’s social media) shows Felix Hyunjin’s progression through school. He starts hanging out with upperclassmen. People with harsh jokes, clever, quick tongues.

Hyunjin fits right in as the class clown. He hangs out with Seo Changbin and Lee Minho in the year above both of them. He goes to parties that Felix doesn’t even find out about. He dates.

Felix kind of gets why, sometimes. Life is easier when everybody likes you.

...

Hyunjin realizes that he’s made a mistake maybe six months into grade 10. He has pride though, so he doesn’t try to fix it. 

Instead, Hyunjin watches Felix from across classrooms and hallways obsessively. It’s like a past time at this point. He meets with his friends and chats and laughs and throws burns all the while he watches the small blonde-headed (when did he dye his hair?) boy smile at his acquaintances. They never meet eyes. Hyunjin doesn’t know if that’s purposeful.

Finding Felix outside of school is hard. He doesn’t post much, and when he does it’s more aesthetics than real life. Still, he finds a way.

Hyunjin watches Felix get closer to his friend group. Seungmin. Jeongin. Even Han Jisung, who flits between friend groups flightlessly, falls for him. Who wouldn’t, honestly?

He doesn’t understand why Felix doesn’t draw more attention to himself. Why he sits in the sidelines. Why he hangs out with nerds. What’s the point of high school if you don’t go to parties or on adventures or get inebriated.

He doesn’t understand why Felix doesn’t try harder to relate. It could be both of them, together, going on adventures and having new experiences. 

“Jisung!” Hyunjin calls him over one day, easily. He’s gotten control of his nerves since his grade 9 days. “You know Felix?” 

“Like...if he’s gay?” Jisung asks, unaware of their history. “You’re interested?”

“No...nevermind.” Okay, maybe he still got a bit flustered.

“Who’s Felix?” Changbin asks. Jisung point him out from across the room. “He’s cute.”

“I guess,” Hyunjin replies.

…

One month into grade 11, Felix’s dad dies. Hyunjin finds out from his mom and cries, privately, for him. 

_ I’m so sorry.  _ He texts.

_ Me too.  _ Felix replies, almost instantly. 

They stand next to each other at the funeral. Hyunjin tries to make it a bit easier. He sends a meme. Felix replies.

They text. They still don’t speak in public.

Two months after that, Felix is reintroduced to him.

“Hey guys, this is my boyfriend Felix!” Changbin introduces him to the table. It takes Hyunjin a few seconds to fully comprehend what’s happening.

Felix. Boyfriend.  _ My Felix. Changbin’s boyfriend.  _ Yeah, he’s dated people - girls and boys - but it never occurred to him that Felix might have too. That Felix wasn’t still small sweet innocent can’t hide emotions Felix.

Later that night, Hyunjin texts  _ you didn’t tell me about him.  _ And Felix simply replies  _ we don’t really talk about that stuff anymore.  _ It’s true, but it still hurts.

Hyunjin smiles congratulations, but he doesn’t understand the match. He wants to pull Changbin away and tell him not to be say mean jokes to Felix - that he won’t understand them. He wants to tell Changbin to take him to drive in theatres and on picnics or maybe on a road trip - not to parties and alcohol. He wants to tell him a lot of things. He wants to say that Felix is the only perfect person in the whole world. He’s the purest.

But that would be weird. So Hyunjin doesn’t. And maybe he’s wrong because Felix comes to parties more frequently now, and speaks harshly but jokingly like Changbin, and gets drunk and plays beer pong and makes friends. 

He brings Seungmin and Jeongin, who sit in the corner and text, but he comes.

A month into their relationship, when Felix accepts a joint at a party and Hyunjin sends him a quizzical look, Felix laughs and passes it to him. It’s a peace offering. Hyunjin doesn’t quite understand this new Felix, but he accepts it. 

They start talking again. Become friends, but not in the way they used to be. They joke, chat, laugh the way he does with Minho or Changbin. They aren’t alone together anymore. They don’t touch. Hyunjin figures this is good enough. If this is the best he can get, he’ll take it.

…

Six months into their relationship, Felix realizes he kinda doesn’t like Changbin anymore. He wishes he knew how to get out a relationship the cool, suave way like Hyunjin did.

Hyunjin. And if they broke up, there’d be no excuse to see him anymore. He missed Hyunjin’s friendship. His smile.

Changbin was nice at first. He showered Felix with attention and kissed him unbiasedly and created a dozen cute nicknames for him.

Then, he got kind of mean. Felix knew he was just joking but it still hurt when Changbin said he was ugly. It hurt when Changbin saw his freckles outburst in the summer and laughed and said it looked like a toddler stippled on his face. And said, “when are you gonna get those checked out, babe, those can’t be healthy.”

In public, Changbin was the sweetest guy in the world. But when they were alone studying or making out or whatever, he knew how to cut deep.

“Felix, sometimes your so stupid.” It wasn’t said endearingly. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” He’d forgotten to lock Changbin’s car.

Felix didn’t really know how to be mean back. It was a skill he figured he’d learn eventually, like he learned about being popular and parties and banter, but he never did. So he kind of just accepted it. Let the words sink into his soul as a final destination.

He figured he was too sensitive, so he tried to make it work.

But, a month after mean Changbin started, possessive Changbin started.

Changbin met him at the school entrance. “You’re not seriously wearing that, are you?”

Before he could reply, Jisung yelled “CROP TOP FELIX,” from across the foyer. He was being filmed. He smiled for the camera.

Hyunjin saw Felix at lunch wearing Changbin’s hoodie. “Jisung’s instagram story?” He asks.

“I got cold.” Was the sheepish reply.

…

Aggressive Changbin started soon after that. That one was Felix’s fault, though.

When you and your boyfriend are cuddling on his bed, high out of your mind, laughing with each other, you don’t bring up other men.

You don’t say, “You know, me and Hyunjin used to do this thing when we were kids...”

“You and Hyunjin were friends?”

“Yeah as kids.”

“I didn’t know that,” Silence. Then, “what did you used to do?”

“We’d press our heads against each other and try to hear the other’s thoughts.”

“So, you basically cuddled?”

“No?”

“Fuck you Felix.” Changbin huffed. Then, “get the fuck out.”

“You’re joking right?” It was past midnight. He was supposed to stay over.

Changbin didn’t reply. And maybe it was because Felix didn’t like people being mad at him. Maybe it was because he wasn’t sober at all and it was pitch black outside and he was too scared to walk the 20 minutes home alone. Maybe it was a combination of all of these things, even, but Felix started crying.

“I’m sorry, okay! Let me stay.” No reply. Then, “why are you so mean to me?”

“Huh? You literally started talking about how you and Hyunjin fucked as kids.”

“We didn’t fuck?”

“Well for kids that’s what fucking is basically. So.”

Felix didn’t know how to reply to that. “Please let me stay. I’m sorry.”

Changbin’s hard eyes turned soft. “Nobody else would put up with this, you know?”

“I know.” Hyunjin might have.

…

Hyunjin thinks he probably should have figured out what was happening earlier. Way earlier. Like maybe during the weird hoodie thing at school. Or even when Changbin became more distant to Hyunjin.

Instead, it was during their lunch period, seven months after Changlix started.

“What the fuck?”

“I-i’m sorry.”

“I’m dating an absolute idiot.” It didn’t sound like it was a joke. Hyunjin looked up from his food to see an angry Changbin with a red blotch on his white t-shirt and a stressed out Felix trying to blot it away. 

“Ketchup?-” Hyunjin tries to start the beginning of a joke but the mood of the rest of the table tells him maybe not to.

“Oh my god stop, Felix, stop!” He stands up and storms out and Felix goes absolutely red.

“What the fuck is wrong with him?” Jisung asks. “It’s literally just ketchup.”

“Yeah well I shouldn’t have spilled it on him.”

_ Why was Felix defending him.  _ “Bro,” Yeah, they called each other bro now. “You know how we’re in history together?” Hyunjin starts, trying to change the subject.

“Yeah?”

“We should do the culminating project together.”

“Yeah.” Tears were threatening to fall from his eyes.

“Well don’t look too happy.” A small smile. “What are you doing this afternoon?”

“Well, I was gonna go over to Changbin’s but-” Felix started before Hyunjin interrupted.

“Come over and let’s start it.” He does puppy dog eyes. “My mom will be so happy to see you.”

He should have noticed sooner, but, now that he has - he’s there.

…

Hyunjin’s right. His mom is elated. She insists he stay for dinner and makes three more dishes than she normally would, all Felix’s favourite.

“Gross,” Hyunjin wrinkles his nose, “you treat him like this and not your own son?”

“And what about it?” Is the answer. Felix cackles.

It’s a lot more awkward in his room than Hyunjin thought it would be. He thought they would just click back together like magnets. 

Instead, they sit in silence.

“Should we brainstorm ideas?”

“No.” Hyunjin doesn’t actually want to do work.

“Wanna play COD?”

“Sure.”

They play in a more comfortable silence before Felix says, “so...how are things?”

_ He’s so sweet.  _ Hyunjin thinks. “Honestly? I don’t know.” He figures he should get the ball rolling if he wants them to click like they used to. “I’m... I’m sorry.”

  
“For?” He knows what for. Hyunjin doesn’t bother to reply. “Me too.” Hyunjin sends him a confused look that causes him to die in the game.

“Fuck!”

“Stupid.” Felix laughs. “I shouldn’t have let you...you know? I should have forced us to keep...to keep.”

“Yeah.” Hyunjin understood. “But it’s not your responsibility. It was me. I was dumb, okay? I’m still dumb.”

A few more minutes of killing the opposing team in silence before, “I want to break up with him.”

“Changbin?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay so do it.”

“Aren’t you guys friends?” The current game ends (they lost badly) and they both put their phones down. They still don’t make eye contact.

“As of recently, not really.” Hyunjin was kind of avoiding Changbin. “He’s becoming a dickhead.”

“A bit.” Hyunjin snorts at that. “But, I’m scared.”

“Of him?” 

Instead of replying Felix just says, “I’m not an idiot. I know the relationship is unhealthy.” A sniffle betrays him. “I just...do whatever he says because, like, what if-”

“What if he’s the only one who’ll put up with you?” Hyunjin asks, softly. “Is that it?”  _ Did I do that to him? Make him feel like he’s different? Or bizarre? _

Silence confirms he’s correct.

“Well you’re right. You’re not stupid.” Hyunjin huffs. “Break up with him. The whole school is in love with you.” He’s not wrong. Felix was a sweetheart before he started dating Changbin. After he started dating him, though, he became a more well-known sweetheart.

“Shut up.” 

Felix doesn’t break up with Changbin, but he and Hyunjin start hanging out more, one on one. It starts to go back to how it used to be. Hyunjin didn’t realize how much he missed it.

Felix didn’t realize how much he missed it. He and Hyunjin seemed to click together, like magnets. They had completely picked up where they left off.

“Can I ask,” Hyunjin started, then coughed, joint in hand. They were hiking through one of their towns miniature forest parks. “Can I ask why you...changed? Is it my fault?”

“You’re giving yourself a lot of credit there, bud.” Felix laughed, then motioned for Hyunjin to pass - he was hogging it all. “What do you mean?”

“Like all of a sudden, you became cool.” Hyunjin’s sheepish. “And started going to parties and underground rock concerts and stuff.”

“And stuff.” Felix agrees. “Well, maybe it was because of you. Or Changbin. I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about. And I didn’t want him to know how much of a weirdo I actually am.”

“And?”

“Well, there’s nothing inherently wrong with having fun. And it  _ is  _ fun. It’s being a teenager. I’m glad I’m doing that while I’m still young.”

“But?” Hyunjin continues for him.

“It was totally an unhealthy coping method, like, a year ago.” Felix laments. “Seungmin and Jeongin having to carry me home every weekend. I just wanted to stop thinking about my dad.”

Hyunjin’s so lost in thought he trips over a tree root. Felix studies him. “Are you seriously already high?”

“Listen, I’m a lightweight.” He sighs, “and I suck. I wasn’t there for you. I’m glad they took care of you.”

“Hmm,” Was Felix’s acknowledgement. Then, “let’s look for somewhere to sit down.”

…

Changbin officially breaks up with Felix in August. After he graduates. He says, “Sorry, but it’s my first year in University.” And Felix nods like he completely understands.

Hyunjin is confused when he breaks down crying, later. “I thought you didn’t like him?”

“I didn’t.” Felix sobs, “but, I don’t know.” Felix really doesn’t understand any of his emotions at the moment. “Like, we started dating at a really sensitive time in my life, maybe? And he was so nice to me? It feels like I’m letting go of my safety blanket.”

“So that’s why you kept dating him?” Hyunjin’s kind of angry. “So you could have a false sense of security?”

“I guess,” Felix wails into his pillow. 

“That’s dumb.” Felix stops crying instantly and looks at Hyunjin warily.

“Are you seriously upset with me right now?”

“No,” He sighs. “Your emotions are valid - I’m sorry. I just got mad because...”

“Because?” Felix eggs him on. Instead of replying, Hyunjin’s face goes red. “Should I…?” Felix cups his hand around his ear and pokes Hyunjin’s temple with his thumb.

“We haven’t done that in a while.”

“Yeah.” Felix knows this because he has to ask permission now. “So?”

“Of course.” Hyunjin doesn’t think it will work anymore but he wants to feel Felix’s soft head against his.

Felix pulls Hyunjin closer and pretends to listen. “Ah, yeah, of course.” He smiles, “you want to kiss me.”

Hyunjin chokes on air. “Well. Maybe a little,” He gives in. “But I don’t want to be a rebound.”

“I don’t want you to be a rebound,” Felix says at the same time.

…

They didn’t kiss that day. 

A month later, Felix leads him into a forest. He wants to confess but he doesn’t have to, because Hyunjin presses his ear against Felix’s temple and says, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I think we’re soulmates.”

And he’s pulled down for a kiss. A few minutes later Hyunjin comes up and asks, “Why did we go so far into the forest? Were you gonna kill me if I said no?”

“So...we might be lost.” Is the reply.

Hyunjin, six months older, and therefore infinitely wiser says, “follow me, stupid.”

_ Anywhere, gladly.  _ Felix thinks.

\---

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Hyunlix au that I pulled out of my ass. Like literally wtf is the plot. It’s cute though.  
> If you clicked on this - thank you for giving me a chance! I vomited this out while stuck in my bedroom all day. I'd love advice and feedback in the comments. My twitter is @feelhicks - though I'm often inactive, if you wanna follow or reach out I'll see it. <3


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